Top 10 April Fool's Headlines TMCnet Would Like to See for 2011

Along with practical jokes and pranks, this year, TMCnet would like to see the news pages splashed with stories that will make all of us ask, “Can you imagine if this were true?” In the honor of tradition, TMCnet has come up with its annual list of “Top 10 April Fool’s Headlines We’d Like to See for 2011.”

Apple Reports that New iPhone (News - Alert) 5 Can Withstand Weight of Car
Sure the iPhone 4 was Apple’s thinnest and lightest phone to date, coming in at 2.31 inches wide and weighing 4.8 ounces, but that was before the tablet mogul introduced the iPhone5 – the thinnest, lightest phone that can still manage to withstand the pressure of steel.

“We touted the iPhone4 as the ‘biggest thing to happen to iPhone since iPhone,’ but now we can successfully amend that statement and say that the iPhone 5 is the biggest thing to happen to iPhone,” said Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple (News - Alert). “The iPhone 5 boasts all the features that you love about the iPhone 4, especially its small size, but still has the power to resist the strongest pressures, like a car.”

The iPhone 5 will be available to consumers in just two weeks and some Apple chain stores are offering discounts on the iPhone 5 when customers show proof they bought an Apple-endorsed car that same week. 

Credit-Card Sized Phone (News - Alert), HP Veer, Recalled as Customers Keep Losing it
Sure, HP felt that had hit a goldmine when it introduced the HP Veer, a credit-card sized cell phone at only 2.6 inches.“Small is the new big,” HP officials said at the time.

Company officials did not, however, account for the fact that the phone may be so small that customers keep losing the device.

According to Consumer Reports, this past week more than 5,000 HP Veer customers asked to return their phones after losing their phones multiple times because it was too small. Instead of urging consumers to be more vigilant with their phones, HP has decided to recall its product and head back to the drawing boards.

Obama Loses Face as Auto Correct Feature Changes Text 
This past week, President Barack Obama had more to deal with than just the troops in Libya as a text that was sent from Obama to Vice President Joe Biden got changed into an inappropriate message because of the auto correct feature on Obama’s cell phone.

Instead of writing to Biden “We need a good luck streak to fix the oil problem,” auto correct automatically changed the phrase into something that got Biden a bit more worked up.

While Obama is blaming the texting feature, perhaps he can take solace in Damn You, Auto Correct!, a website that launched in October 30, 2010, that offers a public forum for people wishing to receive support after an innocent text sent goes wrong.

“The response has been completely overwhelming,” site creator Jillian Madison told TechZone360 in a recent interview about Damn You, Auto Correct! “Literally overnight, the blog started seeing 1 million page views per day and it was going viral across Facebook and Twitter.”

Facebook Offers New Stalking Feature
Ever wonder who views your profile each day and for how long? Are you dying to know whether your ex-boyfriend checks out your Facebook page each day to see what your new boyfriend looks like?

This week, Facebook introduced a new feature that allows you to see who has stalked your Facebook page, for how long and what part of your page they looked at.

“We all are curious about who is visiting our Facebook page each day, and now you can have the answer” explained Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg in a recent press release. “I, for one, would have loved to know how many times Jesse Eisenberg stalked my page in preparation for his role in ‘The Social Network.’”

Twitter Reduces Tweet Max to 100 Characters at U.S. Department of Education Request
In an effort to teach kids about the importance of omitting needless words when constructing essays and theses, the United States Department of Education has teamed with Twitter.

While Twitter users used to be able tweet live postings up to 140 characters, the social networking site has now reduced that maximum to 100.

“Kids need to start learning at a younger age the importance of writing in a concise, succinct manner,” said Bob Smith, a member of the Advisory Committee on Measures of Student Success. “Twitter can help us in this fight.”

New Evidence Reveals Lindsay Lohan Relied on App Seconds Before Arrest
Prior to her most recent DWI arrest, the “Mean Girls” star was consulting her Apple cell phone, which has a feature to let her know where there will be a DWI checkpoint, just seconds before the star was arrested, according to an insider.

For the past few months, Apple has been selling apps that sends alerts to consumers to let them know where there will be a DUI checkpoint. Police, however, are establishing these checkpoints to combat drunk driving.

“Lindsay knew she was risking it driving drunk, but she said, ‘If I just check my cell I can find out where the checkpoint is an avoid it,’” the insider, who was in the car at the time, told the media. “Her phone just couldn’t download fast enough”

Steve Jobs Spotted Buying a HP TouchPad
Spotted... Apple CEO Steve Jobs appearing to upgrade from the iPad to (surprise, surprise) the HP TouchPad.

According to recent reports, Jobs did not follow suit with the millions of consumers who chose the iPad 2 as the next tablet upgrade and, instead reportedly purchased the HP TouchPad.

“You could tell he was trying to be secretive about,” said an employee at the Best Buy where Jobs was spotted. “He did not talk much, but he purchased the device and seemed pretty happy about the features if you ask me.”

Google (News - Alert) Crashes as too Many People Search the Term “Bi-winning”

Charlie Sheen single handedly brought down a server empire as millions flocked to Google last week to search for the term “bi-winning,” the phrase Sheen spewed during his “Good Morning America” interview.

Google was down for about two hours because of too much traffic and meanwhile Sheen kept on “bi-winning” as he hit the one million mark for Twitter followers in a record-breaking time.

New App Lets You Know When You are About to Nod Off

Ever catch yourself falling asleep during a corporate meeting or about to snooze in your chair because of a lack of sleep? A new app called “That nap could cost you your job” just hit the markets this week and is already taking off.

If the phone rests properly against your body, the phone can pick up on cues that you are about to nod off – like lowered blood sugar level, slowed heart rate – and will vibrate to wake you back up.

Clip of Bieber Trying to Understand ‘the Cloud’ Tops YouTube (News - Alert) Views 
While every industry expert will give you a different definition for “the cloud,” for Justin Bieber he has had it with trying to understand the concept.

Recently, Bieber sat down with representatives at a leading cloud communications company to learn about the cloud as part of an agreement with his high school that he learn about different subjects in order to receive his GED.

The lesson did not go as planned, according to an inside source, and millions have viewed the YouTube clip of the lesson, which was somehow leaked.

“Justin just couldn’t grasp the concept and after letting it be known how frustrated he was, he left and said, ‘I need my mommy,’” the insider said.